why is it so difficulit to trust our spouses? let alone surrender.

as a husband, are you a beacon of love and support? do you provide your wife with liberty, dignity and transparency as God your father gifts you? often times, we hear this blessed reading, ” Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body.As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word”.-Ephesians5:21-26 but what exactly did Paul mean when he wrote this letter to the Ephesians? Paul doesn’t open his letter, just acknowledging or commanding that only women should be subordinate to their husbands, he starts by saying “be subordiante to one another out of reverence for Christ”.. this was actually the mass readings in my wedding and the way my heart moved in listening to the Lord commanding not only me but my soon to be husband to be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ… meaning soon, we will be under one authority, ordering oneself under Christ, the church, mutual service not domination…

what does it mean to be submissve to a man? does that give him the ultimate power to dominate and excude his masculinity? in a society where feminism rule and masculinity is being rephrased as toxic masculinity, a world filled with so much hatered toward tradition, how do we keep our traditional values? how do we abide by our church teachings and values… where does true submission fit in?

as a woman who was raised by a feminist, i watched her entire trajectory changed once she accepted the Lord’s divine will in her heart. my mother is a classic woman, and though she was a feminist, she is the true defintion of true feminity. my mother taught me how to cook, clean, and how to honor values true to my heart, she taught me to stay true to myself and to most importantly the Lord, because he is God the father. once my mother allowed the spirit in her life and in her heart, her behavior started to align with the true values she held in her heart. she taught me how to truly trust in the Lord’s will for me and how it would later translate into how much i trust my husband and in trusting the Lord and my husband, true surrender and liberation came. in a society so consumed with being the top 1, the top earner, the top wealthiest women, women taking back their power, we’ve forget, true liberation comes in the form of surrender. we see that in Mary’s example, her true liberation came when she surrendered her will to the Lord, and she even calls herself “…the handmaids of the Lord”, -Luke 1;38.. little did she know this small act of surrender would lead her in her marriage and help her navigate the plans of her child, Jesus.

as a child of God, male of female, if you are unable to submit or surrender to Christ, abide by his law and his word, how can you submit yourself to anyone? let alone in marraige.. if you are not open to following the rules/teachings of the church, if you are not obedient to the Lord, how can you be obedient or expect any type of obedience from your husband, wife, or children… Men, remember, your sons follow your example, if you are not submissve to the plans of the Lord, to your wife, how is the standard for your wife and children to be submissve to you. Jesus was obedient and submissive to his father because of the example St. Joseph gave him. Mary was submissive to Joseph because she knew he leading them to heaven..

true surrender comes with sacrifice, being married and living out the church teachings is hard. everyday being married is a practice of true surrender and sacrifice, so how do we apply true surrender in our daily lives? the day for us, starts with prayer and ends in prayer. tired, exhausted, one eye open, prayer is what keeps us united and going. through prayer we acknowledge: Lord, I need you, and I cannot move through the day without you. Lord, the day has concluded, I still need you because even in my sleep the devil lurks for my soul.” true surrender in these prayers come from admitting our limitations as human beings, admitting our days cannot move swiftly without him, admitting that even in the smallest decisions we need the Lord to help us, we need each other, we need to pray for each other and surrender daily to our own vices. surrender implies understanding that it is not about me, it is about us, it turns the “I” to “we”, moving through one authority, ordering oneself under Christ, and the church. it implies understanding that without God our plans will remain just dreams. surrender means obtaining Solomon’s wisdom : we don’t need to know it all, to know we trust you.

when im in adoration i look at the lord, and he looks back at me, i can’t tell you i know whats going to happen, or say i have the slightest idea what he has planned for me, but what i do know in that moment is how much i trust him and surrender my will to him. i look back at my life and mediate upon the moments i decided to live without his presence and realized how much of my life i did not like, or had no idea where i was headed- thinking i was in control… and i compare it to the many instances i decided to surrender my will to him, and i realize how much i love his will and i love the libertation that comes with surrendering my will and relinquishing control to him, it is in him that i find my dwelling place, in him i find true love. this surrender and obedience allows me to move freely in marriage, because i know the Lord will work in the ways he needs to work, my husband also knows the ways in which he needs to work. i trust in the Lord so much, it allows me to trust my husband, allows me to live in true submission to the Lord’s word and submission to my husband, true surrender comes in the form of liberation.

as i navigate the worlds perception of marriage, i stay true to the teachings that have been embedded in my heart and in my life. God does not owe me anything but he still gives me everything, and that my brothers and sisters is the true defintion of surrender.

my brothers and sisters in Christ,

let us lean into the true act of surrender just like Mary, Joseph and Jesus. their act of surrender was the fruit of obedience, the word became flesh, Jesus. let us strive to surrender to God, in our marriages, and in the way the holy family did.

may the peace of christ render true surrender in your lifes.

with much love,

the mercados.